nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
