Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
