Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
