For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize