youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
