WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
