3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
