Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
