I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
