I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
