She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
there's paper in my vomit.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
