She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
