He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize