I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
