Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
