I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
