Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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