May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
