if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
