just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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