I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize