I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
