My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just cropdusted the office
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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