how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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