It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
