i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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