party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
