We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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