He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
