I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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