My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
