Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize