Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
