The police scanner is talking about you again....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
