My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
