trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A+ Viking dick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
