I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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