If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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