We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
