i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You left your phone here
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