In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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