I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
