there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
