Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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