I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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