Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Who died my cat blue again?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
