You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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