he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
