Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
