a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize