chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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