this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
