Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
