So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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