if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
