I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
