So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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