I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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