Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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