so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize