So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
