We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
