I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
