I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
