i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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